Fear

When I list my phobias, there aren’t many. Going under water, spiders, wasps and down escalators (Yes I know, if this blogs ever made you think I was normal, I apologise.)
But these aren’t my true fears, they are not the things that hold me back. They aren’t the things that stop me from reaching my full potential.
I’m not down playing phobias. In fact I’m pointing out the opposite.
The reason, if somebody asks me what my phobias are, I list the ones above is simply because they are the easy answers. They are the answers that I can say, that may produce a laugh, or a shudder but they don’t end a conversation. They don’t reveal enough of myself for people to give me a strange look and put a barrier up,But they also aren’t a problem. They are no more than an inconvenience.

When I was little I learned the bible verse “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I sang songs about it, I read about it, and generally had the verse engrained into me.
As with everything, putting that into practice is a whole lot harder than memorising the principle.

Confidence is fragile, as is trust. It goes wrong a few times and it gets dented. It’s hard to pick up those pieces and put that verse into action time and time again. Fear is powerful and it limits.

For me my true fears are ones of rejection. Not saying things to people that I fear they may reject me because of it.
Also failure, I’ve missed so many opportunities as a result of fear that I may fail, or lack of confidence that I’ll make it work.

I know I’m not alone here, so many of us have problems and fears that keep holding us back.
I kind of think of it as God standing at the sidelines at sports day shouting “you can do it! I’ve told you so! Go!” We far too often are the little child, too afraid to run.

Imagine if you had no fear, imagine nothing held you back. You were so confident of your strengths, that we never missed an opportunity and were always totally honest about our feelings with others.
That’s real freedom, that’s the freedom promised to us. We just need to take it and own it.

I’m 26 now, and there is already so much I haven’t done due to fear. So my goal now is to get to a less fearful place by the time I’m 30.
I wish I could say I could just start now, but realistically fears take time to undo. Trusting in God, means taking time to learn again.

One step at a time, but we can all get there.

Here are my goals;
1. to be totally honest about every part of who I am, instead of hiding a part away from certain people incase I end up rejected.
2. To attend university, instead of coming up with lots of excuses to myself about why it’s not plausible.
3. To not pass up any opportunities that come my way because of fear.

They may seem simple, but to me these are huge.
Time to start living in freedom!
What are your fears? Please feel free to join me!

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