Gay Christian Network Conference- Interview.

Last week in America they had the Gay Christian conference. Being in the UK I was unable to attend, but these topics are important globally. Still today, people are harming themselves and committing suicide because of the lack of acceptance (or perceived acceptance) that can still be very apparent within the Christian community.
A friend of mine, however, was able to attend and honoured me with an interview.

Ann Townsend of Hands Across the Pond (http://www.handsacrossthepond.com)
Author of LGBTQ: Outing My Christianity (http://www.lgbtqoutingmychristianity.com)

I would seriously recommend checking out her book. She is an amazing advocate of LGBTQ issues. It is also worth checking out her twitter @wouldbealex.

What was it that made you decide to go to the conference?

I think, if someone is really spiritual and believes in miracles, they might get what has been going on with me since August 14, 2014, the day after the article about Vicky Beeching came out in The Independent, the same day I read on Autostraddle a recounting of the article in The Independent. I had never heard of her, but she was a theologian, someone with a deep background in theological thought, someone who was saying we could be both gay and Christian. I was both, but I had never talked about my Christianity when with my LGBT community, because it’s not something most of them can understand because of anger and deep scars.

Initially, back in August when I signed up for the Gay Christian Network Conference, it was to go support Vicky Beeching. As time passed, it was about supporting the gay Christian community and finding a way to talk to people about my concerns about LGBT youth and young adult suicide and self-harm. I looked at our community and our rainbow family and felt very strongly that I needed to talk to people and get us to look at our roles in the lives of our young. From the time that I arrived at the conference, from my first conversation with Justin Lee, the Director of GCN, these were the topics of my discussions.

We adults who have made it through our teens and our twenties have a responsibility. We need to act like the rainbow family we claim to be. We need to take up the responsibility of being role models for our children. We need to be available to our young and share our stories. That was my message. The most amazing thing happened. From day one, that was Justin Lee’s message also.

What was the atmosphere like when you arrived?
What were the kinds of things addressed within the conference?

The first day I arrived was Wednesday. I had arrived early enough that the hotel staff mistook me for a GCN staff member. I spent some time collecting myself and getting my room organized, then I went downstairs and ended up chatting with a woman who was the mother of a gay man. She was going to be working with parents of LGBT, participating in activities to support parents but also coordinating an official parent hug room. All of the attendees that wanted to talk to parents that cared about them and loved them for being who they were could go into this hug room and get hugs, love, and acceptance from parents.

Apparently, God’s message was already in the works before I got there. The next day, I walked in and there was Justin Lee, watching, making sure check-ins were going OK. I prayed and let God walk me to him and started talking to him about my concerns about our children. I talked to him about our community needing to act like the rainbow family we claim to be. I talked to him about sharing our stories, working with people to strengthen the mesh of our efforts, where ever we overlapped, about getting our stories out en masse so that we were sharing our stories of survival and love with as many people as possible. He apparently agreed. That day he said the same thing to the entire gathering. It was amazing.

In as much as there was a peace there that I had never encountered, there was a positive tension of energy throughout the conference. The peace was from being with so many loving human beings, who were all LGBT or allies, who all were there for the glory of God and to re-energize their spiritual cups and reconnect with peace and love. The energy was the sense of purpose that we were all called to by Justin Lee. Every speaker after him, including Vicky Beeching, said the same thing, “we are all role models and have a responsibility”, “our stories are important”, and “be brave”, It was very powerful and strengthening.

Was there anybody particular that you were really looking forward to listening to?
Were there any other speakers that stood out for you?

I, of course, was looking forward to hearing Vicky Beeching speak, but I had also looked into and read up on Jeff Chu and Daniel Cortez. Jeff Chu is a gay theologian. Daniel Cortez is a straight pastor and father of a gay man. They had both spoke at the Reformation Project Conference in Washington D.C. in November. For that matter, many of the attendees had attended that conference also. I imagined that they couldn’t just keep using the same speech over and over. Jeff Chu’s story is one of his experience and it was filled with cultural overtones specific to his Asian decent and centered on the theme of the conference, “At the Table”. I had spent years in Hawaii and learned a lot about Japanese and Chinese cultures while there. It is very different to live on the periphery of those heritages and cultures compared to living in them. There was a lot to be learned from Jeff Chu’s experience.

On day three I heard that westboro came to picket there. How did the atmosphere change?

On Friday, the day before the protestors were scheduled to be there, Justin Lee spoke to all of us. He explained what was going to happen and that there would be a Wall of Love made up of people from around the Portland area. He asked any of us attendees who were willing to act as escorts for other attendees to show up the next morning at 7:30 AM. I did. I don’t know how everyone else felt, but I felt defiant. I felt protective. I felt ready to peacefully die for my fellow Christians. That is as close to describing my own perspective as I can get.

You mentioned a Wall of Love?

Early the next morning, upon arriving, the Portland Police Department were already on the scene. They had two patrol cars and four officers. A little while later, the people of Portland who had dedicated themselves to The Wall of Love started arriving. The headlines read “Christians Protecting Christians from Christians”. That’s a good headline, but everyone should know that the folks that turned up were a variety of faiths. While I was waiting to be sent outside with the other escort attendees, a woman came up to me and asked questions about the conference and about us as a people. She was Jewish. Her son is gay. Her ex-husband is a conservative Christian who does not interact with his son anymore because of his son’s identity.

I tell you, the people of Portland who took up the banner to support us were absolutely wonderful. In some senses, the whole thing was raucous. In others, it was bolstering. I don’t think a single attendee asked for an escort. The Wall consisted of 50-60 non-attendees and even more attendees. We took up the side of the block and then some. There were so few protestors that they ended up nearly encircled, surrounded by love and happiness. They were so very insignificant in number and message that it was truly amusing.

What was it like walking through the Wall of Love?

I had been outside in the rain for about an hour. I had had a lot of coffee, if you get my meaning, so I had to go back inside. I didn’t think very much of it as I started down through The Wall, because I was part of the escort group. I was tweeting the whole time, trying to get the best shot of that amazing, actual rainbow that was over Portland and the convention center. As I neared the end of The Wall, I had several people call to me from both sides of the Wall. “God Bless you!” “We love you!” “You are God’s creation!” I blinked and looked up from my tweeting and disassociation and looked around at all of the people sweetly yelling at me. I knew all of that. But it gave me pause to have it yelled at me. It put a perspective on things that I had not previously been able to voice concisely.

It’s kind of like when Vicky Beeching came out. I knew God loved me. I knew God had been using me *as a lesbian* in other people’s lives. I knew that I was God’s and He was my creator and that I was loved by Him. I still blinked. I still stopped and took in my surroundings. I still looked at all of the people looking at me with absolute love and kindness in their eyes. I wasn’t the only one who knew what I knew. That’s what’s important about Vicky Beeching’s coming out. That’s what’s important about the people that came for The Wall of Love. That’s what is important about the attendees of the Gay Christian Network Conference. I am not the only one who knows. I am not alone.

Surely this must show how far churches have come in recent years, does it give you hope for the future?

I think there is still a lot of work ahead of us to be done. It takes some work to get to the quiet love of the churches that aren’t being noisy extremists filled with hate, but there is more love than hate in the American Churches. I think the pastors, deacons, and reverends, etc. who are walking with us are out there, but the loud ones cover their voices of love and support. Those quiet ones need to decide what will set the narrative between the churches and the LGBT community. If they don’t make some noise it’s the noisy haters that have set that narrative.

I spoke to a lot of people at the conference about the Church of England and what the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is doing for women and the LGBT. Most people to whom I spoke didn’t know about what was going on and did not understand the significance of Archbishop Welby’s work. The Church of England is the corner stone of the Anglican Communion. We would not have protestant churches if it were not for the Church of England, Martin Luther, and John Calvin. For America, Freedom of Religion is partially due to people not wanting to be protestant or not wanting to be Roman Catholic. Also, though, whereas Americans may be very thankful that we do not have a state church, we would not have the Episcopal Church or many of the other protestant denominations if it were not for England’s King Henry creating the Church of England. There’s a lot of literal history that needs to go out and be understood by our generation of Christians.

I know that Vicky Beeching did amazingly in her talk! How did she address the current issues within the church?

Vicky Beeching’s talk was centered around the first telling in America of her story of survival and coming out as a Christian lesbian. She has done interviews that many of us had read. She had started talking about Equality in Marriage in November, 2013. She had not previously talked about her coming out in America. She called to all of the listeners to be brave and tell their story in any way they could, art, photography, poetry, writing, however they were most comfortable, because we have a responsibility to tell people who we are and how we have survived.

What she did say about the Church echoed what Justin Lee had said. We have to be able and willing to sit in the tension and be uncomfortable. We have to be willing to come to the table with people with whom we have disagreements. We have to be willing to have that conversation, no matter how disquieting it might be. Without discourse, there is no sharing of perspectives, knowledge, and history.

Overall what was the main message you took away, that you’d love for others to hear?

Justin Lee’s message was the most powerful. Even within our own community there are disagreements that need to be discussed, and in some cases, accepted, agreeing to disagree. We will not all agree about all things. We have to be willing, though, to have the discussions that emphasize the things on which we do agree. Where we overlap, we must unite, so that we are that much stronger in those areas of overlap, so our voices are that much louder.

The newcomers’ workshop defined some new terms for me and others, including the ideas of “Side A” and “Side B”. Side A folks believe in committed relationships and that a relationship is made whole with sexual acts of love. Side B believe that God loves us, but that celibacy is the only way to stay in God’s good graces. There was some decent amongst us as to which was best. Side A attendees were mad at Side B for “preaching” that Side A folks were sinning. Side B attendees were mad at Side A folks for judging them for being celibate.

If we are asking non-LGBT Christians and people at large not to judge us for being LGBT, then we can not be hypocrites and judge one another for our differing beliefs. Whatever our individual beliefs, we have to be able to live with ourselves. We have to be able to live in our skin. We have to be able to accept ourselves. If that means being celibate for some, then that is their way of surviving eternity. If it means for others that they are in a committed relationship blessed by God, then there it is. Whatever our beliefs are, that is our belief. We cannot judge one another for differing beliefs.

There was little discussion about bisexuality. In the community, though, there is a bit. Some LGT folks judge bisexuals as not being able to make up their minds or living in both worlds and not being willing or able to accept their other sexuality. This does not make sense to me for several reasons.

We are trying to tell kids that they are OK and they are awesome, however they identify themselves. Then, some of us turn around to people who are adults and say that they are not OK as they are and they are somehow not accepting their true identity. This is wrong.

If it is possible for us to be genetically predisposed to one sexuality or the other, how is it not possible for us to be predisposed to both sexualities? If one is possible and the other is possible and being born into the skin of one gender, but feeling the other gender, then it is possible to feel sexual attraction for both genders. If it is possible for someone to love a transgender person, it is possible for someone to be pansexual, loving whoever they love, male, female, presenting or not presenting, identifying or not identifying. Based on the science of biology and genetics, if one is possible, then all is possible.

At the conference, I had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. One woman said she had decided she was bisexual, even though, previously, she had considered herself asexual and then “Shelby-sexual”. She had never really been attracted to anyone until she met her now fiance, Shelby. Shelby is a lesbian, so she thought, “I guess I’m a lesbian.” Then, during the conference, she considered her thoughts about the attractiveness of men. So, maybe, she was a bisexual.

The Q as the Questioning in LGBTQ means that they are not sure.
I say to everyone, whatever you are, even if you are confused and don’t know what you are, is OK. Do not feel a necessity to put yourself in a box or to label yourself. If you are a straight woman and intensely love a lesbian, that does not make you a lesbian, so do not fear loving that person that is a lesbian. If you are a lesbian and find men attractive, so be it. The difference is in whether you are capable of considering yourself having a sexual relationship with that other person.

I find Vin Diesel attractive as a human being and a man. I’m not a fan of his acting, but dang can he drive a car, and he has a beautiful heart, and his parents are beautiful educators. I do not want to sleep with him, though.

I have made a few new transgender acquaintances. One is a beautiful transgender woman, called by God. I do not want to have a sexual relationship with her, though. Is it because I’m prejudiced? I don’t know, but I love her as a person. I appreciate her identity and what she stands for and her mission. Then again, if I met a transgender woman and she bowled me over, I guess it could happen. I just haven’t met my person yet.

If anybody would like to know more about these issues, please feel free to get in touch. Would love to hear from you and may be able to point you in the right direction.
You can find Ann’s book on amazon.

Freedom.

“‘Cos now I’m free, I’m free at last
Free to live the life I want forget about my past…”

I remember singing that song as a teenager. A real song of celebration about the freedom we have in Jesus. It’s so true! I’ve learnt that we all experience those freedoms differently. I think though everyone agrees that it’s as if a huge weight gets lifted off of our shoulders, and it’s as if God says, “it’s ok! Your mine now, go just be you!”

The problem isn’t the message. The message is good. It’s filled with love and hope for everybody! The problem comes when we as humans put limitations on it. When somehow we don’t fit the mould and somehow being free actually begins to feel like more chains being added. We cannot begin to even start speaking to others about freedom in Christ, if our own judgement of people clouds our words.

We are told to be the light and salt of the earth. To do that we need to get down and dirty. All too often we are too ignorant of the struggles of others when preaching our messages. Ignorance is an opportunity for us to learn. We can never learn enough.

When we come from a place of nothing but love and compassion, when we seek to understand the ones we serve and when we truly appreciate the uniqueness and diversity that is humanity, then we can truly start to tell people a true message of freedom.

Some of my greatest conversations about Jesus I’ve had with people, is when I’ve been honest and say we are human. If I start a conversation admitting we get it wrong and acknowledging the hurt that can cause, people open up. There are so many walking wounded, and we have to be brave, admit we get it wrong and strive for change.

Words are rarely enough. We have to not only acknowledge the walking wounded both within the church, those that have left and those who have never come to Christ in the first place because of the wrong message. But seek to understand and strive for change with passion, so we can truly be the light of Jesus.

Let’s bring Christianity back to authenticity. Open, honest and with out human limitation. That’s true freedom.

The beauty of the church

I walk into the church. I see a sea of faces all chatting and welcoming one another. I see the lady who has just lost a family member being embraced and children running around excitedly before they head off to their Sunday club.
The noise is loud. But it’s not hostile in any way.
I see new comers being welcomed in and introduced to people so they don’t feel alone during the service.
There are the teen-agers in their trainers, all looking as enthusiastic as the adults around them, happy to see their friends who perhaps they’ve missed in the week.

The service is about to begin. The atmosphere is tangible with expectation and when we all stand to sing our praises an incredible sense of peace, power and excitement fills the room. I’m not sure what happens exactly. I heard it described once as heaven invading. As our songs of worship go up, the glory of God comes down. It really can feel that way. I’m sure it’s a taste of what’s to come in heaven! It’s an honour to be able to be in a place we get to experience a slice of it. Isn’t it wonderful? What ever it is, it’s my favourite part of the entire morning!

After a while we all take our seats. Notifications can snap us back out of the zone, but then prayer once again pulls us back. Again the same feeling I described in worship can be felt, but this time less excited. A sense of calm washes over us. I feel focused and ready to listen.
Again the sermons are invaluable. I’ve read the bible almost every day for my entire life, but still every time I listen I see a something written in a new light. It amazes me, after so much study of one book there is still so much to learn!
I’m so grateful for leaders that guide us through that and help to open our eyes.

Confession. I haven’t been to church in a long time. I still go to bible studies, but for over a year now I have barely stepped foot in a church and I miss it. My heart aches for it. Genuinely.
We were designed to be a part of this beauty.

There are a lot of reasons I haven’t been in so long. Despite the areas I feel the church have room for improvement (there is always room for that, we are made of humans and never entirely perfect.) it’s not the reason.
Moving to a new area plays a part, as do having two children who are autistic and struggle there.
But the true reason is, I’ve needed time to process. Spending my whole life in the church has been amazing, but I needed the time to study alone. I needed to work out what I believed and why I believed it, instead of having people tell me.
I needed to search and find who God was to me personally.
I knew some things I felt, were things that I would be in the minority on, and I wasn’t strong enough.

So instead I’ve used the time away for growth. It’s been a phase of transition. A phase of learning. I have a lot of friends to thank that have stuck by me and allowed me to work things through alone. Friends to thank for being there to sound things off and discuss things when I needed too and for giving me the room to breathe.
I’ve learned so much in this time, it’s been a challenge. Answering your own questions, acknowledging those questions that have no answers and figuring out where you fit is not an easy challenge! I’m also grateful for a very patient God, who hasn’t once turned his back.

This blog is, in a way, a final stage of this journey. A way to put a voice to the things I believe, things that I’m so passionate about.

I don’t speak out about things we need to work on within the church because I hate it, I speak out because I love it so much and it hurts my heart that we get things so wrong at times that people miss the beauty. It is beautiful.

One day I truly believe that we can be united. Where sexual orientations no longer isolate. A time that we won’t be divided on the role women have in church. I want to be a part of that change so badly! We will never be perfect, but we are beautiful and all we can ever strive to do is seek the heart of God.

I can’t wait to get back 🙂

The ripple effect.

Have you ever thrown a stone into a huge lake Just to see how far it will go? As a kid I remember doing this kind of thing all the time.
I’d throw as hard as I could, but my goal was never to hit the other side. Always I aimed for the middle.
More times than not I missed. Sometimes pathetically so. But the after effect was always the same.
There was always the initial very satisfying splash, and then afterwards the water would ripple out from the point the stone landed and fill a large portion of the lake in rings of water, traveling further and further out, before it was once more still.
Sometimes, when others threw too, the results were more spectacular. The rings of water colliding to make patterns all across the lake.

I like to think that we all make ripples too, but sometimes we just don’t see them.
Every positive or negative thing we ever do, ripples out and we probably rarely see the full consequences.
So when we act, we have to think.

When Jesus came down, he didn’t create ripples he created an eternal tidal wave. Beautiful and unending.
Compared to that, we will always be the equivalent of pebbles a lake making tiny splashes!
But Jesus used his tidal wave to bring more and more people to him, spreading further and further so that every body could come to know Jesus is Lord. So everybody could feel the beauty of his love.

What are we using our pebbles for? Are we making a positive difference to people’s lives?
When I said earlier about the rings of water colliding as more people threw the pebbles in, our lake is the exact same one Jesus threw his into. Our pebbles will collide with his wave.
If we want people to know Jesus, we have to be careful that the stones we throw, even in good faith, aren’t ones that aren’t going ultimately stop people coming to Jesus.

Also think too, every stone, every wave and ripple we create for the glory of God, when it collides with Jesus’ tidal wave, that becomes eternal too. No matter how small the stone, all our voices have value!

I think some of the stones I throw in can be quite controversial to some. I don’t really mind that.
If I worried about every stone I ever threw in being the same as the people around me, I’d probably end up hiding.
When that’s you worry about, the focus isn’t on God, it’s on you. The ripples your creating aren’t ones that are aiding the glory of God.
I’d rather always be controversial, and feel there’s a chance I could have made an actual difference because of it, than create a ripple because it was one I was expected to make.

Keep adding to the waves of eternity. God is good!

Accepting Evangelicals Conference

Second blog of the day! Please do go look at my previous blog if you haven’t already! It was a poem and it’s exactly what I’m about to write about that inspired it, but I’ll explain that more further down.

If nobody has heard of accepting Evangelicals, they are amazing! I fully recommend taking a look at their website (I will post a link at the end!)
But they are group of evangelical Christians, passionate about accepting everybody, especially those within the LGBT community.
They, in my opinion, bring church back to what it should be. They are about bringing everybody together, so that there is no isolation.
As you can imagine, this was exactly the kind of conference I wanted to be part of. After a week of illness I was so blessed to be able to go!

What I saw there actually blew me away. The passion for God was almost tangible!
The room had such an amazing atmosphere, so full of love and passion!
Every one there together, LGBT and straight allies worshipping together with total freedom to be who they are. Total freedom to be who I am!

Vicky Beeching spoke in interview on stage, and the point she made is that people say that she doesn’t take the bible seriously but actually it’s about taking the bible very seriously! Looking into scripture, looking at context and actually taking time to really think.
She spoke of the hurt, how hard it is to come out as gay within the Christian faith, and about weighing up the cost. But also about the freedom in being able to be who you are.
Honestly an inspiring woman. She speaks simply, but her words are godly and so full of truth.

The next person to do his talk, was Steve Chalk. He is the founder of Oasis who were part of the evangelical alliance until he started to speak out and put across the view that same sex relationships weren’t sinful.
There was so much passion in his words! He spoke dreams and how the world didn’t need dreamers, they needed people with vision! Visions are things that get into every part of your body and make you do something! You need people of vision, to change the things that are hurting the people we are called to serve!

I came away so uplifted! The church has a long long way to go on this one.
Yesterday the Catholic Church wouldn’t agree to the popes proposal. But yet the Pope still opened conversations that so desperately needed to happen.
I’m not catholic, but it doesn’t even matter.
What we need is, regardless of denomination, people with a vision!
We need people who want to see, every single person welcomed with in the church exactly as they are.
We need people that realise, that maybe here we’ve got it wrong.

I fully believe a change is happening right now. I think that eventually the church will be one that’s more inclusive. But yesterday I got a glimpse of what that looks like, and it’s the truest reflection of Jesus I’ve seen in a long time.

We need you. It doesn’t matter how much or little you can do, but do something. I don’t want to wait years for church to look this way and the longer it takes, the more people we lose from the church, the more people we isolate.
If this is going to happen, everyone of us needs to be talking and making people think. Nothing changes through silence.

At the beginning I wrote about the poem I wrote this morning. I wrote it because I wanted to show how as humans we get it wrong over and over but how that’s not of God.
When this battles won, there will be more but that doesn’t mean that we should just stand at the sidelines. God created us all to serve. The time we should have been doing that properly was yesterday. Let’s get it right now.

http://www.acceptingevangelicals.org/

Creation equality.

This ones a bit different to my usual blog posts.
I wrote a poem last night after coming back from an amazing and inspiring conference, which I’ll be posting a blog up about this evening.
But for now I thought I’d share the poem.

When man was created out of the dust and the mud
And woman soon after, Adams rib, Gods love.
And as they stood hand in hand
Man and woman, woman and man.
They were both in Gods image,
He didn’t differentiate.
He loved them the same, there was no hate.

But then sin came in, jealousy, anger.
And as people divided, one side shouted louder.
History through out repeated over and over.

People marginalised, one sided bible interpretation.
Until one voice loud enough, shouts out across the nations.
Martin Luther King, stood up and fought slavery.
A part of the bible, returned to former glory.

God made us unique, we were created to serve.
But yet we keep wounding, lessons go unlearned.
We are told to go out and preach the good news.
But instead we isolate because of one sided views.

We miss the hurt etched on the faces
Of those who love God, yet no one embraces.
We refuse to acknowledge their homosexuality.
Because it doesn’t fit our plan for Christianity.

But when God created woman and man
He didn’t differentiate, he had a plan
He knew their hearts, he created them whole.
He knew exactly the words etched onto their souls

So now what we need is to head back to the start.
Back to creation, back to the heart.
One sided views, one sided theology.
When actually God created equality.

Fear

When I list my phobias, there aren’t many. Going under water, spiders, wasps and down escalators (Yes I know, if this blogs ever made you think I was normal, I apologise.)
But these aren’t my true fears, they are not the things that hold me back. They aren’t the things that stop me from reaching my full potential.
I’m not down playing phobias. In fact I’m pointing out the opposite.
The reason, if somebody asks me what my phobias are, I list the ones above is simply because they are the easy answers. They are the answers that I can say, that may produce a laugh, or a shudder but they don’t end a conversation. They don’t reveal enough of myself for people to give me a strange look and put a barrier up,But they also aren’t a problem. They are no more than an inconvenience.

When I was little I learned the bible verse “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I sang songs about it, I read about it, and generally had the verse engrained into me.
As with everything, putting that into practice is a whole lot harder than memorising the principle.

Confidence is fragile, as is trust. It goes wrong a few times and it gets dented. It’s hard to pick up those pieces and put that verse into action time and time again. Fear is powerful and it limits.

For me my true fears are ones of rejection. Not saying things to people that I fear they may reject me because of it.
Also failure, I’ve missed so many opportunities as a result of fear that I may fail, or lack of confidence that I’ll make it work.

I know I’m not alone here, so many of us have problems and fears that keep holding us back.
I kind of think of it as God standing at the sidelines at sports day shouting “you can do it! I’ve told you so! Go!” We far too often are the little child, too afraid to run.

Imagine if you had no fear, imagine nothing held you back. You were so confident of your strengths, that we never missed an opportunity and were always totally honest about our feelings with others.
That’s real freedom, that’s the freedom promised to us. We just need to take it and own it.

I’m 26 now, and there is already so much I haven’t done due to fear. So my goal now is to get to a less fearful place by the time I’m 30.
I wish I could say I could just start now, but realistically fears take time to undo. Trusting in God, means taking time to learn again.

One step at a time, but we can all get there.

Here are my goals;
1. to be totally honest about every part of who I am, instead of hiding a part away from certain people incase I end up rejected.
2. To attend university, instead of coming up with lots of excuses to myself about why it’s not plausible.
3. To not pass up any opportunities that come my way because of fear.

They may seem simple, but to me these are huge.
Time to start living in freedom!
What are your fears? Please feel free to join me!

Feminism and Christianity

This is something I’ve been wanting to write about for sometime, but actually a topic I struggle to find words for with out just repeating others.

Growing up I wouldn’t have considered myself a feminist. I’m not even sure I knew what the word meant! The closest I ever got was thinking “there is no way on this earth I am burning my bra!” Of course (fortunately for me) being a feminist does not mean bra burning.

I think what actually made me think about feminism in a new light was having two boys.
This probably sounds odd to some, but I found they were limited.
An example of this was when my eldest who has just started his first year at primary school told me that boys can’t cry at school. It breaks my heart that already he is limited by the stereotype of what it means to be male.
Emma Watson really did get it right in her speech to the UN about he HeforShe campaign. Feminism affects us all, both males and females.

I’ve also came to realise other things. If I go out in the evening and dress up, I somehow become dehumanised. It’s acceptable in our culture for men to shout out at me as if the reason I am walking is for their pleasure. I am not human. I am not equal.
It’s ok in a club for men to grab me and try to kiss me. That’s why I’m there. I am not human. I am not equal.

Objectification is what we see all around us. Female celebrities plastered over pages of magazines. There to be drooled over or criticised. They are too fat, too skinny, wear the wrong clothing, look too tired, the list goes on. Is it any wonder then that this continues into our lives?
It’s men that dominate in government and in business. It’s hard to feel respected.

If you think I’m over exaggerating, do an experiment. On a Saturday night, go for a walk along where the clubs and pubs are local to you, and watch how the younger women are treated. It’s as if we are walking on their territory.
Look at the people who have made it to the top and see how dominated it is by males.

Now when reconciling this with Christianity I look right back at Jesus.
He was living in a culture far less informed than we are today. He was living in a culture where women were well and truly second class citizens. In that time period women were considered weak minded and not given any respect with in society.
Jesus may not have been an out right feminist, but how he treated them was with respect. He allowed women to sit with him and be counted them as friends.
When he saved the women about to be stoned for adultery, he didn’t see her as less human.
When he rose from the grave, it was the women he allowed to see him first. Women would not have been as trusted as men in their testimony, but still he choose them.
He was born into a time where he was heavily restricted but yet he still pushed the boundaries.

You see feminism isn’t about trying to be better than men, it isn’t about hating men, and it isn’t about trying to take over.
It’s about respecting that women are capable. It’s about bringing what it means to be male to something that doesn’t mean you can’t display emotion. It’s about everybody being human.

When I’ve written in previous blogs about LGBT, or about changing the attitudes to cultures, races, and disabilities it’s for one reason. We are all human. God made us all unique, with different challenges and emotions.

Feminism is important because it’s very simply recognising the individual and allowing us all to grow as people, with out being hindered by stereo-types.

Culture is always changing, when it comes to human rights it should be us, the church, at the fore front fighting. We can’t afford to be the ones lagging behind.

How to respond if someone at your church comes out as gay.

Thought I’d keep this post simple.
Those who have been following my previous blog posts know I am pro LGBT.
I also have repeatedly said in my posts on here to stay loving, which ever side of the argument you are on.
I’ve noticed though that there seems to be controversy about what constitutes being loving.
Some people think, telling people that if they don’t repent of their homosexual thoughts they will end up in hell is being loving.
Some people think that by telling them that they are deceived by the devil and that they need to get him kicked out, they are being loving.

So this is my view on how you should respond.

1. Thank them for their honesty.
I’m not kidding you! If somebody has just taken the step to come out to you, it took guts. They have just put themselves in a vulnerable position. Be honoured they chose you, and thank them for it.

2. Tell them you care about them.
Let them know they are still somebody of value. This isn’t you saying you agree. This is you letting them know that you care. Believe me, they need to hear it!

3. Tell them God loves them.
Because, well, he does. He loves all his children, and it’s good to affirm that to them.

4. Let them know you are available.
Again this still isn’t agreeing. This is acknowledging that they need support. As we all do. If you don’t feel you can be the one to offer it, find somebody who will.

5. Pray with them.
Pray for Gods peace and love in their lives. Pray that God will stay close and that they won’t loose sight of him. Do not pray for God to change them. That can do more damage. If they God does think it’s wrong, then by praying God remains close, their hearts will change anyway. (I firmly believe God doesn’t think this.)

6. If they ask you if you think it’s a sin, be careful.
You don’t have to lie here. You can honestly turn around and say, I know God loves you.
You can honestly say to them that they were fearfully and wonderfully made. You can honestly turn around and say to them that God still has a plan for their lives.
You can honestly say that we are all sinners.
Tell them to seek God first and tell them to let God reveal his heart.

7. Don’t out them.
If you are the first person they have told, let them know they can tell others in their own time. Tell them that you will support them as and when they decide to tell others.

8. Hug them!
At the end of the conversation, hug it out.
You don’t actually have to hug them if hugging isn’t your thing, but any form of touch reaffirms that they are still valued and that you care. Even just a shoulder pat.

9. Talk about something else.
Make sure first that the conversation has ended, but awkward silences are, by definition, awkward. Ask them what they are doing at the weekend or something.

10. Walk away knowing you made a difference!
You may be worrying that it’s come across like you’ve condoned something you don’t, but remember this isn’t about you.
You’ve told told them to seek God, so trust him.
In the mean time you’ve just saved somebody from feeling alone and isolated. They aren’t going to be the next person to leave the church because of a lack of compassion. You have made them feel valued and loved and they have gone away in the knowledge that God still loves them too.

You don’t have to understand, don’t have to agree. Just be the light in their lives when they ask you to be.
Let God do the rest 🙂

Challenging the issues we see

Picture the scene; you’re watching television with your partner and the news comes on. They start talking about an issue, maybe the government have put taxes up again or maybe they are discussing some kind of hate crime… You turn to your partner and utter something like “I don’t know what’s going on these days!”
Sound familiar?

We all moan, we all complain and we all get unhappy about things when we feel that there are things around us happening that are unjust. That feeling of wanting things to be fair is majorly important.
Go back to the scene; you have your moan, your partners agrees with you and then you change the channel and get glued onto some other programme. Discussion over.
We all do it! We are all guilty of it to some extent!

The problem is that every time that scenario happens, change doesn’t happen.

When you look at Jesus, I honestly believe that even if it had turned out he wasn’t the messiah, he would have still created waves.
He challenged peoples way of thinking daily. He challenged the Pharisees and criticised them!
He went into a temple and, when he realised they were using it as a market, he turned over the tables in anger.
When a women was about to be stoned, he challenged the law. “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” The law said she should be stoned, but he made people think and he challenged them and therefore brought change!
Jesus was loving, but he wasn’t passive. He made people think twice.

The main issue today is our culture of passiveness. We allow issues to get big and we give up too easily.
The suffragettes would never have got the vote, if there weren’t those women willing to stand up and be counted. Those women suffered hugely. They were imprisoned and treat horrifically, but still they protested!
I’m not asking anybody to go that far, I don’t think we need to!

But think if we were all active, if instead of flicking over the television and moving on, essentially giving up before we’ve even tried, we all did something. The issues may not go away, but the society we would live in would be so much better.

You probably aren’t going to change the world, I know I’m never going to. But I can contribute.
I can challenge people’s points of view and I can protest things. So can you.

Would add too, that if you don’t know where to start, look on twitter or Facebook and find people passionate about the same things you are and see what things they do. You have to be the biggest voice, it’s just doing the little that you feel able.

We all live in this world and we all need to contribute to make it a better place. Be it environmental issues, gay rights, racial issues, or cultural ones, governmental issues and tax, or feminism. What ever it is you see that needs to change, help towards changing it.
Nothing bad will happen if you try, but good can always come out of it. If we do nothing then nothing is what happens.

We can all stand up in our own ways and be someone that makes a difference.